June 2018 to June 2019  presented me with significant loss. First I lost my health. After a month of illness, during which I almost lost my life, I was diagnosed with Adult Onset “Stills” Disease, a rare auto-inflammatory disease. Six months later I lost my aunt, who was my best friend and “a mom” all bundled into one person. Five months later I lost my dream job.

Needless to say, it had been a year.  An overwhelming, life changing, scary at times, soul searching, “what’s next?” kind of year. My emotions waxed and waned from sad, angry, confused, and frustrated yet at times grateful. I was angry because I couldn’t control what happened to me. You could find me in quiet cries during the middle of night or in loud cries in my husband’s arms because the pain of my heart was too much to bear. I questioned God with the Why me? Why now? What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to learn from this? My human side, my overthinking mind bombarded God with question after question because I needed to know.

Well, at least I thought I needed to know.

 As I questioned God, He began to calm my mind so my heart could hear him. I began to draw close to God, closer than ever before, my soul ached to know him more intimately. It was in drawing closer to God that He began to reveal to me that although it felt like I had lost a lot, I was truly finding so much more. During this time God used my son to remind me of Philippians 4:19 that says “God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”  My understanding was that God would meet my physical needs; you know “make sure my kids are fed” needs. But as I grew in my relationship with Christ, He showed me that my needs were so much greater. My spiritual, emotional and mental health were needs that He wanted to also meet.

 Over the next several months God restored relationships with my family and friends that had gone somewhat neglected due to the busyness of life. He re-engaged my husband and me in our church and community. He gave me tender moments with my family that I otherwise would have missed. He gave me a vision for my future. Most importantly, he helped me understand the importance of being still and richly fed my soul more that I could have ever imagined. Did I lose this past year? Yes, I had some hard losses, but my God is faithful and in Him I found more than I lost, I found exactly what I needed . . . His glorious riches.