As my husband headed out the door to the store, I looked at him, still in my pajamas, no make-up on, messy hair, and said “I’m sorry I’m worthless.” Without hesitation he replied, “You’re not worthless.” Deep down in my heart, and I mean way deep down, I knew he was right but on days like today, I don’t feel anything but worthless. The past 3 weeks I have struggled with physical pain, fatigue, endurance and over all malaise. In fact, the last couple of days have been really challenging. I made attempts to pep myself up by forcing walks and running a few errands, but found I did more harm than good. I thought if I just got up and did something, I would feel better. Yea, that didn’t happen. In fact, I set myself back. So, after days of being pretty unproductive, I feel worthless. The not so great thing about having a chronic illness is the physical struggles wreak havoc on the mind. For me, that equates to my belief of being worthless.

What I have come to realize is the root of my feelings of being worthless are tied to my works & achievements. Successful career equaled worth. Being able to clean the house, do the laundry, run the errands and cook the meals all in one day, while still making it to my kid’s events equaled worth. Taking care of others by providing meals, helping with yard work and housework equaled worth. Leaping tall buildings, just kidding, but you get the idea, going and doing as much as I possibly could for everyone while being successful at it defined my worth. In fact, one year I received a Mother’s Day card praising me for how I was Wonder Woman, and receiving that card was like I had won a million dollars. I displayed it proudly on the kitchen counter. Super healthy, right?!? Now don’t mishear me, doing good things to the best of our ability isn’t bad. In fact we are called to do good works. (Ephesians 2:10) and one way I show my love is through serving others. However, when it becomes bad is when I allow my works to define my worth.  Here’s a little transparency, I knew way before being diagnosed with Still’s that I really had a messed-up view of what or should I say whom, defined my worth, which obviously is still, haha, something I battle., but having Still’s shined a big spot light on it. This meant I had to go to work redefining what worth meant then remind myself of the truth in future battles. 

As my husband said, I’m not worthless. And before he ever said it, God did,  and I just needed to remind myself of His Truth. First, God made me in His image. (Genesis 1:27) I could probably stop right there, cause as my momma told me, “God didn’t make no junk!”. But incase being made in His image isn’t enough proof that I am not worthless, Psalm 139:13 tells me that God knitted me in my mother’s womb. Again, I am His creation, therefore; I ain’t junk. And in being His handiwork (Ephesians 2:10), I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) Let that sink in for a minute, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made! Last, I am His beloved.  (Romans 9:25) God loves me. In fact, He loves YOU  and me so much that He sent His son for us. (John 3:16) My worth rests in Jesus. He alone defines me! Not my works. Not other people. Not my social media following, thank goodness for that.  Not my awards and trophies, or my Wonder Woman Card. Just Jesus! Jesus defines my worth and he says I am His Beloved! So on the days when I feel like Worthless Wonder Woman, I just need to dive back into His Truth to remind myself who God says I am. 

Sweet friend, I don’t know if you are in the same kind of battle as me, but my prayer is if you are looking for anything or anyone outside of Jesus to define your worth, that you will stop your search at the voice of Jesus. He alone defines you. He says you are loved, you just need to believe. I pray you do! 

 Song of Encouragement (click on link):You Say by Lauren Daigle

 Referenced Bible Verses:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created.” Genesis 1:27

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

“As He says in Hosea: “I will call them “my people” who are not my people; and I will call her my beloved, her who is not my beloved,” Romans 9:25

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16