As I shared in my last blog, “Word Up! What’s Your Word?”, healing is the word God laid on my heart for this year. Healing comes in all different forms, but probably the type, really an action, that provides the most healing is forgiveness. I wrote the below piece on forgiveness back in January of 2020 but never shared it. In full transparency, I never published this writing because I was fearful if it was any good and wondered if readers would connect with it and like it. Of course, that is how I generally feel with every piece I write. (Side note: God is currently working in me to quit listening to the voice of discouragement and doubt.) What God also helped me to realize, I wasn’t ready to release this piece due to issues with forgiveness in my life. Funny how that happens. Yes, forgiveness has been part of my healing over the past 2 years and now it is time. Time to post one of my very first writings. My hope and prayer is God will use it for His glory and that in some small way it will make a difference.
Forgiveness. We are called to provide it but so often we don’t. Forgiveness. We are called to ask for it, but struggle to do it. Forgiveness. A freeing word yet often a scary one. Why? Maybe, if I forgive then I must have been wrong? Or maybe if I forgive, the other person gets “the power”? Forgiveness, it equals weakness, right? Forgiveness, well, it would mean I’m okay with what was done. Forgive? No thanks, because it just might make me vulnerable. Maybe, you have had one or two of these thoughts or others on why forgiveness is frightening and quite honestly, hard to do. I’m sure between us we could come up with a page full of reasons on why we shouldn’t offer forgiveness or ask for it, but I would like to offer why we should.
Recently I re-watched the movie I Can Only Imagine. The movie is based on the life of Bart Millard, lead singer of Mercy Me. In the movie we see his journey of growing up in an abusive home at the hands of his dad and abandoned by his mom to Bart becoming the lead singer of Mercy Me and writing their breakout song “I Can Only Imagine.” As I watched the movie, all I kept thinking about is how forgiveness was key in changing the course of Bart Millard’s life. Bart Millard, through a worldly view, would have been justified in not forgiving his dad. Most of us probably would have said, “we support you Bart, your dad doesn’t deserve forgiveness”; however, Bart forgave. In the movie, spoiler alert, we get to witness the moment the forgiveness happened when Bart finds his old journal from kid’s camp and fills in the blank to the following sentence: God, tonight I choose to forgive . . . my dad. Cue my hard, ugly cry. Oh, my heart! Bart had carried around so much anger, pain, hate, sadness, hurt, unforgiveness, and grief regarding his relationship with his dad, and in that moment, he let it all go. He made the choice to forgive his dad. How freeing that moment must have been for him. Gives me chills. I’m so glad Bart Millard shared this sacred moment with us on the big screen.
I, like Bart, have been hurt by someone, who was supposed to love me best, but didn’t. I have been hurt by a group of people, who promised me the moon, but purposely kept it out of my reach. When Jeff & I lost our son, we experienced deep hurt from some people we least expected. Over the years I’ve experienced all kinds of hurt – church hurt, career hurt, friend hurt, family hurt . . . maybe you’ve experienced some of these hurts too. Once we are hurt, we can find ourselves in a real bind when it comes to forgiveness. I get it. To forgive is difficult, especially when the hurt runs deep. On the flip side, I know that I have deeply hurt others too. Long Sigh. I hate that. I cannot stand to think about some of the hurt I have caused. Some intentional, which is awful, and some unintentional. I’m not really sure which is worse, but both are bad. What I know is I cannot undo the hurt, I don’t get a redo. I sure wish I did. What I do know is at some point in life, we are all on either side of the hurt, the hurter or the hurtee. (is that even a word?) We are either needing to seek forgiveness or needing to offer it. Which leads me to the question, why forgive?
We forgive because Jesus Christ first forgave us. Ephesians instructs us to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. Doesn’t get much clearer than that. The Bible does not say forgive if you feel like it or if you think the other person deserves it. We are told to forgive. To forgive is a choice. We may not get a redo to undo the hurt, but we do have an opportunity to ask for forgiveness and to choose to forgive. I know it is hard, especially when the hurt runs deep, but what happens when we forgive? Here are just a few benefits of forgiveness:
First and foremost, we are honoring and obeying God. Second, we experience freedom from anger, hate, and bitterness. Relationships can be restored, redeemed and reconciliation takes place. We are no longer stuck. Forgiveness allows us to move forward and grow, especially in our relationship with The Lord. Imagine if Bart hadn’t forgiven his dad, we wouldn’t be blessed with his music. Which I don’t know about you, but his music has carried me through some hard times. Forgiveness also allowed and allows Bart to experience the abundant life Jesus has for him. If we get stuck in unforgiveness we are robbing ourselves and honestly, it’s just not a good look.
Forgiveness set Bart free and it can set you free too! I pray that if you need to forgive someone, you make the choice to forgive. I don’t know about you, but I want others to forgive me when I wrong them. I don’t deserve it, but I so desire it. I also pray that if you need forgiveness that it is extended to you. Most of all I pray that if you haven’t accepted the forgiveness that only comes for Jesus, that you will. If you aren’t sure how I would love to tell you more about it. Forgiveness sets you free, this I know!
Scriptures on Forgiveness:
Matthew 18:21-22
Ephesians 4:31-32
Colossians 3:13
Mark 11:25
Inspirational Song/Video:
*Since writing this piece, I have experience forgiveness. Through that forgiveness God redeemed and restored a friendship that I honestly thought would never be restored. Just another beautiful thing about forgiveness, what we think isn’t possible, God says it is for Him. Beauty from ashes, a glimpse of God’s goodness this side of heaven.
Great article Pam!! Thanks for being vulnerable – real to us! Forgiveness is a real challenge as believers even though we know God commands it!
I don’t think the church has done a very good job explaining what forgiveness is and what it isn’t!! Not blaming for I take full responsibility for my own downfall & challenges to obey by forgiving! I thought if I don’t really feel genuine in my heart about forgiving then it isn’t real – but that’s not true – We choose to forgive even though we don’t feel like it- yet! God will bring the feelings as we experience the freedom in choosing to obey first!! I know about the freedom it brings too and oh my it is truly liberating beyond words!! It’s not a one time thing either- forgiving is a lifestyle- over and over!! Doesn’t mean we go back into a wrong or abusive situation. We still may have to walk in tough love while choosing to forgive- letting go and asking God to take it!! Thanks Pam as I rejoice over your freedom – so very proud of you and for sharing! I believe your message will stir hearts and make a kingdom and relational difference!!
Thanks Melinda for you kind words and honesty. I have to fully depend on The Lord to help me with forgiveness, it is only through Him that I am able to let go and forgive. And you are so right, it’s not a one time thing, it is a lifestyle. Totally agree about a wrong or abusive situation, we must not compromise our safety. Thank you for being a light for The Lord and helping others with working through the stronghold of unforgiveness.